This is my first blog for tarot.nl. In this blog I want to take you on a spiritual journey of searching for myself. I am Nena, 33 years old and a teacher at an University.
Hiding in my safe ‘cocoon’
The older I get, the more I notice how stuck I am in my fixed and familiar patterns. The routine of everyday life has crept into my life like ‘a thief in the night’. On the one hand I like this because yes, it does feel familiar to do pretty much the same thing every day. I also believe that routines and their rituals are important in a person’s life. You can find something to hold on to and it gives a sense of security – at least for me! On the other hand, it bothers me. I’ll be honest, I hide in my own safe ‘cocoon’ and that means I don’t have to do anything that is out of my comfort zone. I hardly experience any confrontations with myself. I know that you can learn something from every moment, every day, and I am also grateful for the relative luxury in which I live. And yet it torments me – I would love to learn something new. Something that really adds value to me and to my life.
In search of my true self
I have always considered myself an emotional person. Empathetic and genuinely interested in others. However, by focusing too much on others and their situations, I feel I am losing myself a little. What do I really want? Where do those passions of mine lie? What values are key? I am looking for fulfilment, for depth, for my true self. But who is this true self? Who is Nena and what does she stand for? As I write this, I realise that I want to get to know myself (even) better.
The cards found me
When I was 27, I went to a spiritual fair. Purely out of curiosity. I went on my own and I did not tell anyone about it. I felt like a stranger there, in that big space. I saw people who could tell me something about my future using candle wax. I saw mediums, chakra healers and aura photographers. This all felt overwhelming and hazy to me. Then I saw a stand with all kinds of spiritual books and cards. I was not looking – the cards found me (with a little help from the friendly lady who sold them). I never did anything with the cards, because I didn’t have the patience and time to study them. I now walk to the bookcase and pick up the deck I bought six years ago. It is time. Time to really get into it and follow my intuition.
